Mission Today Skit #5

Written by Rosetta Schaffner, Mission Coordinator for Education and Interpretation West Ohio Conference, January, 2001

President: Thank you, Nancy, for the devotions. Praying for those persons listed in
the Prayer Calendar is such a wonderful way to start a meeting. Now, on to the business at hand. We have a lot to get through today, so let's get started. Rosetta called and said she would be late. I know she has a lot of business for us to 'take care of, so I want to see if we can get through some of these other items on the agenda before she gets here.

President: That's exactly what she has. It seems it's time for her to send in the report to the district and she needs our input.

NANCY: Just what we need! Another report! Personally, I think it's just another way for the district and conference to keep tabs on us -make sure we are doing things their way. What's wrong with the way we've always done them? Well, make sure that she knows I always use the Prayer Calendar in my devotions. I know that's on there. And I just want her to know -I comply!

President: I'll make a note of that, Nancy. Now, Jeanne, I know you were not present at the last meeting, and since no one else knows shorthand, there were no minutes. But I am sure we all remember what was said. Do you have anything else?

JEANNE: I have some correspondence. We have a letter from Tom and Sharon Crowe in the Congo, a newsletter from the Onwu' s in the Bahamas, and a thank you card from David Markay in Lithuania. I also have Valentine's cards ready to go out to these three as well as 10 other persons in mission from Ohio.

NANCY: Oh! Oh! Oh! That's correspondence with thirteen persons in mission. That's
another thing on that Mission Today Form. And we only need five. Mark that down, too. We're cookin' now -two for two.

NANCY: I keep up. I was asked to be a district officer, you know. But I don't need the politics.

President: Thank you, Nancy -and Jeanne. Rosemary, I see you've passed out copies of the Treasurer's Report. Do you have anything else?

NANCY: What about your part of the Mission Today stuff, Rosemary? We want to be ready when Rosetta gets here. Won't she be surprised?

ROSEMARY: Well, I think one of the items is fulfilling the Pledge to Mission. As you can see from the report, thanks to the generosity of our members, the rummage sale and the soup and salad luncheons, we have met our pledge already. And we still have quite a bit of money left over. We will need to discuss that later.

ROSEMARY: Well, as I said, we've met our pledge. We also gave a Gift to Mission to Janet for leading the retreat; I sent in the World Thank Offering: and we gave that Special Mission Recognition to the Pastor's wife for leading the Bible Study. I'm afraid it's the Gift in Memory .

ANY WOMAN: Why is that a problem? We always give $5.00 in memory whenever
any member of our unit passes away.

ROSEMARY: That's exactly the problem. Nobody died this year. I guess it's a blessing, but we are running out of time, and it doesn't look like anyone is going to die anytime soon.

PRESIDENT: Well, that's a shame. I mean it's good that none of our members have passed away and none of them are that ill. It's a shame that we won't be a Five Star unit. Oh well, maybe next year.

PRESIDENT: As long as we are discussing finances, we may as well decide what to do with that extra money in our treasury . Does anyone have any suggestions? Annita, you are new to the committee, but as the Mission Coordinator for Social Action, is there anything you would like us to consider?

ANITA A: As a matter of fact, there is. There are a lot of good causes out there. And they all get a lot of funding. But there is one group of God's creatures who are in real trouble and need lots of help. (All show signs of interest, ask what, etc.)
I'm speaking of course of the pink nosed, yellow spotted, green eyed, three toed, short tailed, white tufted, sway backed, long whiskered, black tongued domestic house cat. Because of in-breeding it is in danger of losing its purr .And if it can't purr, well, what good is it? If it can't purr, no one will want it, and then, soon these poor unwanted creatures will be roaming the streets, getting into trouble and becoming a blight on society.
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President: That certainly is a shame. But we usually support projects to benefit
women and children. I'm not sure this fits the criteria.

ANNITA: Of course it does. If the pink nosed, yellow spotted, green eyed, three toed, short tailed, white tufted, sway backed, long whiskered, black tongued domestic house cat loses it's purr, .the world will be a bleaker place and the happiness of women and children- especially children, will be greatly effected.
President: Well, we can consider it.

ANOTHER WOMAN: What about spending it on new carpet for the church library.
Have you seen that carpet lately? It's a disgrace!

OTHERS: Or maybe a new refrigerator in the kitchen. Let's give it to the new hymnal
drive. I think the nursery needs refurbishing.

President: Ladies, we all know that our money is to be used for missions. As United Methodist Women, we cannot replace the carpet, buy a refrigerator, hymnals or refurbish the nursery.

ANOTHER WOMAN: We have to empty our treasury. That's their rule -not ours.
Now, they want to tell us how to empty it?

ANNITA: We are United Methodist Women and not the church trustees. The PURPOSE says we are organized for mission. And I think we should support missions. And I can't think of a better project than the preservation of the pink nosed, yellow spotted, greeneyed, three toed, short tailed, white tufted, sway backed, long whiskered, black tongued domestic house cat. If that's not missions, I don't know what is!

President: Perhaps we should just table this for now. After all, it is new business.
And I see that Rosetta has arrived.

President: We've just finished the secretary's and treasurer's reports. I told the rest
of the committee that you need our help to complete the Mission Today Report. And
since this might take some time, why don't we do that now?

ROSETTA: Great idea! I made copies for all of us. (passes copies out as she talks). That way we can all keep track of what we've done. Let's start at the top.

NANCY: Just go ahead and mark numbers one and two completed. I always include
prayer for persons in mission in my devotions -and we are now corresponding with 13
persons listed in the Prayer Calendar. As I said, I do my part.

ROSETTA: Wonderful! I'll just mark "yes" for those and we'll go on. (Marks
appropriate numbers on chart.

ROSEMARY: We could skip down to numbers 11 and 12 and take care of those. You can mark "yes" for number 11 -we did fulfill our Pledge to Mission. But I'm afraid number 12 is "no".

ROSETTA: Really? That's a shame. We have been a Five star Unit for years and years. What happened?

ROSETTA: Nobody died? In the whole church, or in any of the congregation's family?
You know the Gift in Memory can be given whenever any of our loved ones pass away. They don't have to be members of UMW.

NANCY: Great! Old Mr. Marlow passed away last week, at the age of 106! Rosemary, write the check and Rosetta, mark it complete.

President: Hold on, Nancy. I think it's a great idea, but we need to vote. All those in
favor, say "aye".

President: Done. Now, Rosemary, please write the check. And I think it might be a
good idea if, from now on, we give a Gift in Memory whenever a member of our
congregation dies, whether they are a member of UMW or not. We can discuss that later under "New Business". Go on, Rosetta.

ROSETTA: Okay, let's go on to number 3. Contribute needed resources to a mission
project listed in the Women's Division Material Resources for Mission Catalog. Have we done that?

ROSEMARY: Well, not yet. But we do have extra money in the treasury, and we've
been trying to decide how to spend it.

ANNITA: I know I'm new, and I don't know what this Material Resources for Mission Catalog is, but I do have a great project to give our extra money to. I want it to go to the preservation of the pink nosed, yellow spotted, green eyed, three toed, short tailed, white tufted, sway backed, long whiskered, black tongued domestic house cat. How's that?

ROSETTA: We can discuss the disbursement of money later, Annita. But that's not
what this refers to. I don't think you are the only one here who is not familiar with the Material Resources for Mission Catalog. I just found out about it myself. How many of you have heard of it before.

VICE PRESIDENT: I think it's a wonderful idea. I don't see how we could do it in time for this report, but when the Program committee gets together, we could try to plan something in conjunction with one of our General meetings. We'll work on it for next year. Where can I get a copy of that book?

~ I can order that from the Service Center for you. It's only $3.50. It might be a good idea to order one for the president, too, and the circle leaders.

NANCY: Go ahead and mark "no" for that one, Rosetta. But we'll get it next year. Let the district check up on us all they want. We have nothing to hide.

NANCY: Well, having attended, I could do it, but I'm so busy. It might be good to have someone come in and lead it. I could assist.

PRESIDENT: I'm afraid this is another thing we can't do in time for this report, but the Program Committee could look at it for next year.

ROSETTA: Okay, it's "no" for number 5. I know number 6 is a "yes'. How many of you attended the district annual meeting. (Some hands go up). And the conference annual celebration? (Fewer hands go up). Great. All we needed was two, and we had a lot more than that.

Number 7. Did we use the United Methodist Women's Program Book for at least two programs?

NANCY: Boy, just wait until next year. I'm glad I'm on the program committee. Do I have ideas?

VICE PRESIDENT: We're always glad for your input, Nancy.

ROSETTA: Number 8. Have at least one member of the unit join the United Methodist Women's Action N etwork to receive and respond to legislative information. Annita, as Social Action, are you receiving that?

ANNITA: Sorry, this is the first I've heard of it. How do I get it? What does it cost? And do I have to report on everything at every meeting?

ROSETTA: It's free; here's an application, and no, you don't have to report on everything -just the items your unit is most interested in. In fact there is a place to list the types of information you are most interested in receiving.

ANNITA: Great! I'll get this in the mail today. I wonder if they have any information on the pink nosed, yellow spotted green eyed, three toed, short tailed, white tufted, sway backed, long whiskered, black tongued domestic house cat.

ROSETTA: I don't know, Annita, but you can ask. And here is an application for the president, too, and anyone else who is interested. Right now, that is "no".

NANCY: Another "no". It's not looking good. The district will be breathing down our backs. I guess I better get that Action Network thing, too, just to make sure we get it next year.

ROSETTA: Number 9. I'm worried about this one. Implement the Charter for Racial Justice in the unit in at least one way during the year. I don't think we did anything on the Charter this year.

JEAN: I think I have to disagree with you. I think we implement it all the time. I mean, look at us. We are a multi cultural unit. There is no racism problem here. I don't think we have to do anything special. We implement it just by being us.

NANCY: Jean's right. This is for those units that have no diversity, and think there is no problem. So just mark "yes".

ROSETTA: I don't think so, ladies. Just because we are a diverse group doesn't mean we have implemented the Charter. Look at it. Have we done anything on here?

~ Well, no. I guess not. Etc.

PRESIDENT: I'm afraid that has to be a "no", ladies. But it is one more thing we can consider for next year. What are some of the ways we could accomplish this?

~I could order the video from the Service Center. Or better yet, we could borrow it from the conference Media Center.

ANOTHER WOMAN: We could get a speaker to talk about one of the issues addressed in the Charter.

ROSETTA: You know, we could even do a program on the information in this brochure alone. There is a lot we can do.

So, we'll mark "no" for number 9. How about number 10? Co-sponsor, with the church, a Children's Sabbath worship. I know we didn't do that one. But, can try to do it nest year?

PRESIDENT: That's doubtful. Children's Sabbath is held in October, and the pastor always has lots of special things planned for October. There's Laity Sunday, World Communion Sunday, and he usually takes one Sunday in October for recognizing the achievements of various committees. This year, I think he is going to honor the trustees

ROSETTA: The third Sunday in October is the date set for the national observance of Children's Sabbath. But it can be held on any Sunday throughout the year. Surely there is one Sunday it can be done.

ANOTHER WOMAN: I don't know. You know how the pastor hates to give up the pulpit. And even when he is on vacation, there is the associate, and three lay speakers. think we are lucky we get in the pulpit on UMW Sunday.

ROSETTA: You know, you've just hit on two possibilities. One, we could have Children's Sabbath in place of our traditional UMW Sunday. Or instead of asking the pastor to step aside while we do the service, why don't we just ask him to do a Children's Sabbath and allow us to help?

VICE PRESIDENT: Well, it does say "co-sponsor". What do you think, ladies? I'm making a whole list of things to bring up at the program planning retreat. Shall I add Children's Sabbath?

~ Yes! Sounds like a good idea! Let's do it!

VICE PRESIDENT: Where can we get the materials?

ROSETTA: The materials are published by the Children's Defense Fund and can be ordered directly from them. Or you can order them from the Service Center.

~ I'm adding it to my list.

NANCY: We're moving right along. Numbers what's number 13?

and 12 are already completed. So

ROSETTA: Let's see, include a "Response Moment" in meetings to highlight one article.

NANCY: I don't recall anything called a "Response Moment" -and I have a mind like a steel trap. Which is probably why the district wants me so bad.

~ We may not have called it a "Response Moment", but I think we qualify. I try to point out one article or short news item from each issue of Response every time we meet I especially like the sections on Women's Division News and "Bright Lights". Both are short enough to do in a few minutes. But sometimes I highlight other articles too. The column from the editor is usually very good, and last month I read the poem by Joyce Sohl called "Listen! Listen to the Children!"

NANCY: Joyce Sohl- she's the Deputy General Secretary of Women’s Division. Personally I think she is the one pushing the district to recruit me. I think she has big plans for me. But I wouldn't move to New York. And I don't want to get involved in the politics.

ROSETTA: We wouldn't want to lose you, Nancy. And yes, you are right. Whatever you call it, this is exactly what a “Response Moment” means so I will mark "yes"

And speaking of Response Magazine, number 14 asks if we had at least two members subscribe to Response.

JEAN: We sure do. Every time we get a new member, we give a free year's subscription. And most of us continue to subscribe on our own after the year is ended. We've had three new members this year, so we certainly qualify. And as long as we are talking about membership, we qualify for number 15 also, because it mentions only two new members and we had three.

NANCY: I'm afraid I have to disagree with you, Jean. I've been keeping track. We had two of our members move to nursing homes, and three moved away. So that puts our total down by two. I can't see how we qualified.

ROSETTA: Jean's correct. Number 15 asks if you recruited at least two new members. It doesn't ask about overall membership.

JEAN: And what's more, those two ladies who are now in nursing homes are still members of this unit -and will be as long as they are alive.

NANCY: Pardon me, I misunderstood,

ROSETTA: Okay, let's total this thing up and see what we have. We marked "no" for numbers 3, 5, 8, 9, and 10. But we marked "yes" for numbers 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15. That gives us 10 "yeses". And since at least four of them are items with an asterisk, we qualify as a Silver Unit. That is wonderful.

NANCY: And once the program committee gets to work, we are going to make sure we do all 15 next year. Let the district check up on us -we do what we are supposed to.

ROSETTA: You may have misunderstood the reason for the report, Nancy. Neither the district nor the conference want to check up on us. The reason we are asked to complete this form is to accomplish exactly what happened here today. It is to help us see what we are doing, what we should be doing and what we could be doing. If we try to meet these criteria, we are living out the Purpose of United Methodist Women. And by sending the forms to the district and conference, they can look for trends and then offer help. It's a great tool for women in mission -and as members of United Methodist Women that's what we are.

NANCY: That's what I meant. I guess I just wasn't clear.

PRESIDENT: This was very helpful. Thank you, Rosetta, and all of you for your input However it did take quite a while, so I am going to ask that you all refer to the written reports from the other members of the committee, and we will adjourn for the day.

ROSEMARY: Excuse me, but I still need to know what to do with the extra money in our account. You know I have to empty the treasury at the end of the year, and there is quite a bit of money there.

ANNITA: I would still like you to consider donating it to the Preservation of the pink nosed, yellow spotted, green eyed, three toed, short tailed, sway backed, long whiskered black tongued domestic house cat. Nobody else seems to care.

ANOTHER WOMAN: I still think carpet is the way to go. After all, we use the library, too.

PRESIDENT: We are not going to use it for carpet, and I'm sorry, Annita, but I don't think we can consider this pink nosed, yellow toed, green spotted. whatever it is. Perhaps, in another role, other that UMW, you could find funding for the cause. I'm sure it doesn't fit the criteria for a mission project. Once you start receiving the Action Network information, you will see what I am getting at. So, the question is, what do we do with the money?

ROSEMARY: Wait a minute. I just found a letter from the district treasurer that I somehow overlooked before. It says that we can give more money than our pledge. It will go to undesignated giving, and that way go to where it is most needed. Why don't we send it there?

OTHERS: Great idea! Sure! Why not!

ANNITA: I still think the pink nosed, yellow spotted, green eyed, three toed, short...

OTHERS: NO!

Mission Today Skits The pink nosed, yellow spotted, green eyed, three toed, short tailed, white tufted, sway backed, long whiskered, black tongued domestic house cat OR Mission Today?

Mission Today Skits
The pink nosed, yellow spotted, green eyed, three toed, short tailed, white tufted, sway backed, long whiskered, black tongued domestic house cat OR Mission Today?