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Children and HIV Infection

On Giving Children, Families and the Future a Chance

HIV/AIDS Focus Paper #11, February 23, 1990

by Cathie Lyons

Cathie Lyons is the associate general secretary for Health and Welfare Ministries, General Board of Global Ministries, The United Methodist Church.

Contents: HIV and Children: Modes of Infection | HIV Infection: The Maternal Link | Female AIDS Cases | From Mother to Child | Ten Metropolitan Areas with Most Pediatric HIV Disease | Clinical Manifestation of Pediatric HIV Disease | Pediatric AIDS in the US | The Needs of Children, Families and Care Providers | Programs Reaching Out to Women, Children, and Families | Prevention of HIV Infection | Screening Blood | Prevention of Perinatal (Mother-to-Child) Transmission | HIV-Infected Children: At Home, School, and in Day Care | Things Churches Can Do | PWA Column: Earthly Attachments |

"The epidemic of HIV infection and related illnesses worldwide is no respecter of age, background or culture. Nor is it a crisis which affects individuals in isolation from one another. This is particularly true with regard to HIV infection and children. In the vast majority of instances, HIV infection in an infant indicates that the infant's mother is infected, also, as might be the child's father and some of the child's siblings."

The epidemic of HIV infection and related illnesses worldwide is no respecter of age, background or culture. Nor is it a crisis which affects individuals in isolation from one another. This is particularly true with regard to HIV infection and children. In the vast majority of instances, HIV infection in an infant indicates that the infant's mother is infected, also, as might be the child's father and some of the infant's siblings. The reality of HIV infection in children speaks to the need for family wide services, community-wide AIDS prevention education for all age groups, and effective drug prevention and treatment programs which are sensitive to ethnic/racial group concerns and which are designed to serve women and youth, as well as men.

HIV and Children: Modes of Infection

In the United States, as of January 1, 1990 a total of 1,995 cases of AIDS among children under 13 years of age had been reported to the federal government's Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta. Fifty-four percent of these children have died since diagnosis.

Of the total reported cases of pediatric AIDS (birth through 12 years) five percent have been among children with hemophilia/ coagulation disorders who received HIV infected transfusions of the blood's clotting factor. Eleven percent have been among other children who received HIV infected transfusions of blood, blood components or tissue. In three percent of the cases the mode of virus transmission remains unknown.

The remaining eighty one percent of the children with AIDS in the United States have one thing in common. They were born to mothers who were infected with the Human Immuno-deficiency Virus (HIV) and who passed the virus to their babies before, during or shortly after birth. Seventy-two percent of these mothers, also, have something in common. They are IV drug users or the sexual partners of IV drug users.

HIV Infection: The Maternal Link

The fastest growing group of children with HIV infection and related illnesses are infants who are being infected through perinatal, mother-to-infant transmission.

As of January 1st there were 10,611 cases of AIDS reported among women in the United States, seventy-six percent of which are among women in their prime childbearing years (age 13 to 39).

Female AIDS Cases
Age at Diagnosis Prime Childbearing Years Age at Diagnosis - Total Cases (%)
Under 5 793 (07)
5-12 120 (06)
13-19 94 (01)
20-24 744 (06)
25-29 2,222 (19)
30-34 2,944 (26)
35-39 2,042 (18)
40-44 1,003 (09)
45-49 460 (04)
50-54 288 (02)
55-59 233 (02)
60-64 190 (02)
65 or older 392 (03)
Female total ** 11,524 (100)

** Includes females of all ages.

There are no exact figures on the number of women who are infected with HIV, but the dramatic increase in the number of childhood/pediatric AIDS cases (66% of which have been diagnosed since November 1987) and the number of children infected with HIV reflects the increased incidence of infection among women of reproductive age.

Just as there is an overwhelming link between maternal infection and perinatal infection, so too is there a link between female infection and substance use.

Fifty-two percent of women who have been diagnosed with AIDS were/are IV drug users and an additional 19% were/are the sexual partners of IV drug users.

The triple tragedies of drug use, female infection, and maternal transmission of the virus were addressed at the 5th Annual Pediatric AIDS Conference last September by New Jersey State Commissioner of Health, Dr. Molly Joel Coye.

"The parallel epidemic that is fueling the HIV epidemic is drug abuse . . . . Despite the war on drugs and recent decreases in causal drug use, drug addiction is increasing, and threatens to erode our fragile gains against the transmission of HIV."

For how many years will the dual epidemics of drug addiction and HIV infection reign over the lives of families, their children and the children of their children? Dr. Martha Rogers of the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) AIDS Program summarizes the spiraling relationship of these interrelated realities in this way.

"A baby lucky enough to escape HIV infection and the effects of maternal drug abuse at the time of birth will grow up to face these problems again as an adolescent and adult. Those who become infected will give birth to the next generation of infected children."

From Mother to Child

Transmission of the virus can take place when the virus carried by the mother crosses the placenta to the fetus during pregnancy; during labor and delivery when the infant is exposed to the mother's cervical secretions and blood; and in some rare instances when -- through breast feeding -- the baby ingests HIV infected breast milk.

The determination of whether an infant born to an infected mother has been infected with HIV cannot be determined immediately after birth. The blood screening test which can detect antibodies to HIV does not distinguish between maternal antibodies and antibodies produced by the infant. Maternal antibodies can remain in the infant's system for up to 9 to 15 months.

Every day babies are being born who have been exposed to the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) in utero. Not all of these babies will become infected with the virus which their mothers carry, but some will: perhaps as many as thirty to sixty percent. How many of these infants will go on to develop AIDS or an HIV-related illness is not certain, but various sources predict that by age five, fifty to eighty percent could progress to illness.

At lease seventy eight percent of U. S. perinatal AIDS cases are among the communities of color (53% are Black, 25% are Hispanic, with Native Americans/Alaskan Natives making up less than 1 percent), while twenty two percent of the cases are White.

The following ten metropolitan areas account for a total of fifty five percent of the nation's pediatric AIDS cases.

Ten Metropolitan Areas with Most Pediatric AIDS Cases Reported Through December 1989 Metro Area Case Total
1. New York, NY** 540
2. Miami, FL 122
3. Newark, NJ** 97
4. Los Angeles, CA 71
5. San Juan, PR** 70
6. Washington, DC 50
7. West Palm Beach, FL 42
8. Philadelphia, PA 36
9. Nassau/Suffolk, NY 37
10. Jersey City, NJ** 33

** Rates of HIV infection among IV drug users in these cities is estimated at between 45 - 60%.

Clinical Manifestation of Pediatric HIV Disease

The infections and malignancies common to HIV-infection in children are different than in adults. In addition, "the progression of HIV disease differs in children who received infected blood products and children who were born to infected mothers.

"The progression of HIV infection in children who received infected blood products varies according to their age and what type of blood product they received. Children transfused in the newborn period become symptomatic within 6 months to 3 years after the transfusion. The progression of HIV disease from initial infection to onset of symptoms appears to be faster in those children who were transfused as very small premature babies.

"People with hemophilia who are HIV infected tend to develop more normally and remain at the asymptomatic stage of infection longer than perinatally infected infants. However, once these children progress to clinical AIDS, the course of the disease is similar to that found in perinatally infected infants."

Common childhood infectious illnesses are likely to be severe in HIV-infected infants. The APHA report on Pediatric HIV Infection points out that "as the infection progresses, infants can experience anemia, failure to thrive, fever, chronic diarrhea, and thrush. Adequate nutrition of HIV-infected infants can be an ongoing problem. Neurological involvement is common. Many children have significant central nervous system (CNS) manifestations of HIV infection as well as secondary bacterial and fungal infections of the central nervous system."

AIDS in children is a developmentally disabling disease, and a significant proportion of infected children show developmental delays prior to exhibiting other signs and symptoms of the disease.

Early intervention can reduce the impact of these delays. As the disease progresses, developmentally normal infants can become severely disabled, while others remain normal or relatively unimpaired at four, five and even ten years of age.

Pediatric AIDS in the US

For every reported case of pediatric AIDS, as many as ten more cases of pediatric AIDS/HIV may actually exist.

In five years, one out of every ten pediatric hospital beds will be occupied by a child with AIDS.

If current trends continue, AIDS could be one of the top five causes of death in American children fourteen and under within the next four years.

The Needs of Children, Families and Care Providers

In its Pediatric HIV Infection report the American Public Health Association highlights the fact that infants affected by the HIV epidemic fall into three groups.

  1. The smallest group of infants are those infected with HIV as a result of blood products, but who have healthy parents.

  2. A second larger group of infants were infected perinatally and have HIV-infected mothers and may have fathers and one or more siblings who are also infected.

  3. The third group is made up of non-HIV-infected infants who have HIV-infected mothers.

Most infants and children with HIV-infection and AIDS are cared for in a home setting be it that of the natural family, the extended family or a foster or adoptive family. The needs of these children and their families can be great and are even more pronounced when the child's care provider parent is also HIV-infected and / or a substance user.

Families which are caring for one or more HIV-infected member need services and programs which are culturally and linguistically appropriate and which are committed to addressing family wide needs.

The health care and social needs of HIV-infected infants cannot be separated from the care needs of the family unit. These needs include the following.

  1. Children with HIV-infection or AIDS need greater access to primary care, and continuity of care, than is now available in most regions. Health and social service workers must be sensitized to the needs of children / families, familiar with individual cases, and alert to breaches of confidentiality.

  2. HIV-infected families need specialized hospital-based services when they develop symptomatic disease. This requires linkages between community-based medical care providers and hospitals.

  3. When an employed family member becomes ill, the family may be at risk of losing its living place because it can no longer afford the rent. Rent supplements are necessary to permit such a family to remain in its home. A variety of supported housing arrangements need to be available to care provider families.

  4. Non HIV-infected children of HIV-infected parents or siblings need psychological and emotional support in order to:
    • understand what is happening to the person with AIDS.
    • deal with their own feelings (worry, fear, anger, sadness, confusion).
    • know what to tell their friends and other people.
    • deal with the possibility of losing a very important person (parent, brother, sister).
    • know they are loved and that they will be cared for and not left alone. (One of the greatest fears of non- infected as well as infected children of HIV-infected parents is that they will be left alone.)
    • deal with the stresses which the reality of AIDS brings.
  5. Home care and respite care are often necessary to the well- being of the care provider of an infected family member. This is particularly true when the care provider is also HIV-infected.

  6. Families need help in obtaining all the services and financial assistance to which they are entitled in order for them to continue caring for an infected family member for as long as possible.

  7. Care providers can benefit from care provider support groups. Families of children with AIDS and care providers who are themselves HIV positive need the support and reassurance hey can give to one another.

  8. Children with HIV infection/AIDS need supportive emotional care within and beyond the family setting.

  9. Foster and adoptive families must be recruited to provide homes for children with HIV-infection or AIDS whose mothers or families are unable to care for them.

    Foster mothers need the same help as natural families to enable them to continue to provide care, especially once a foster child becomes symptomatic.

    Only when all else fails is congregate housing deemed acceptable. There is general agreement that institutional settings are debilitating for the child's development. In addition, congregate housing is much more costly than foster care and requires more personnel.

  10. Insurance coverage for pediatric AIDS cases varies from city to city. A significant number of children with AIDS have no insurance or are covered by Medicaid. Changes in reimbursement rules are also necessary to provide financial access to proven therapies.

    In the past, HIV-infected women, infants, and IV drug users have been largely excluded from clinical trials and research on the efficacy of new drug treatments for HIV related infections. This is beginning to change and more emphasis is being placed on the maternal and pediatric HIV populations. Many pediatric experts believe that the data from adult studies can in specific cases be applied to the care of children.

Programs Reaching Out to Women, Children, and Families

Exemplary programs exist across the nation which are bringing support and relief to families coping with AIDS.

DARE Family Services -- Family Partnership Program (Somerville, MA) places an HIV-infected mother and her child in the home of a "mentor": a full-time, paraprofessional who provides 24-hour supervision and intensive personal care and support in her own home for the mother and the child for the duration of their lives. The program provides a model for keeping HIV-infected mothers and children together while assuring constancy of care and in-home living.

For information about DARE Family Partnership Program contact: Sharon Mainguy, Director of Development, DARE Family Services, 265 Medford Street, Somerville, MA 02143. (617) 629-2710 or 1-800-253-1114 (toll free).

Starcross Community (Santa Rosa, CA) provides the full spectrum of services to children with AIDS and their families: services to high risk women on the streets and in jails; practical and emotional family support; and when all else fails, foster care and adoptive placement in a network of homes called "Morningchild Gathering". The work of the organization has received international attention after publication of the book, Morning Glory Babies: Children with AIDS and the Celebration of Live.

For more information contact: Starcross Community, P.O. Box 14279, Santa Rosa, CA 95402. (707) 886-5446 or (707) 526-0108.

The Positive Women's Group of the Pediatric AIDS Program at Children's Hospital of New Orleans is a support group for pregnant women and mothers who are HIV infected.

The group was conceived as a way to provide emotional support, education, and a sense of community for women who have to face their own infection and the possibility of infection in their children. The women have formed a network of support and friendship helping each other cope with their feelings of guilt as well as their fear of illness and death for themselves, their children and their partners.

For more information write: Ann R. Marten, Case Manager, Children's Hospital, 200 Henry Clay Avenue, New Orleans, LA 70118. (504) 568-7041 or (504) 568- 7043.

The Child Care AIDS Network in Boston, MA organizes foster families with HIV-infected children into a respite care network. Participating families provide respite care for one another. The pilot project also recruits new foster families particularly those who are Black or Hispanic. A long-term goal is to open up the respite care network to biological families caring for HIV-infected children.

For information contact Pamela L. Whitney, Office of Special Projects, Massachusetts Department of Social Services, 150 Causway Street, Boston, MA 02114. (617) 727-0900.

The Infant and Child Learning Center at SUNY Health Sciences Center, Brooklyn, NY is an early intervention program devoted to HIV-infected children. It is one of a few programs nationwide that provides special education and physical, occupational, speech and language therapy for affected children. Mothers participate in support groups and have formed a network to assist one another and to speak out on the issue of pediatric AIDS. One year's experience with these children has shown amelioration of the milder developmental disabilities which are among the early signs of HIV infection.

For information contact Noelle Leonard, Box 1203, 450 Clarkson Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11203. (718) 282-9781.

H.O.P.E. in Kansas (Helping Others through Partnership and Education) is a result of a partnership between the Salvation Army and Hospice of Wichita, the American Red Cross, local medical centers, the Urban League, and Kansas Social and Rehabilitation Services. HOPE provides licensed foster families who have 50 hours of specialized training, case managements services and supervision to any child who is HIV infected in any state who is in need of a family care system.

For information contact: H.O.P.E. in Kansas, The Salvation Army, Booth Family Service Center, Box 2037, 2050 West Eleventh Street, Wichita, KS 67201-2037. (316) 263-6174.

Pediatric AIDS Resource Center through the AIDS Program of Children's Hospital of New Jersey (CHAP) offers a range of services to professionals caring for children with HIV infection and their families. The purpose of the center is to provide health care professionals with: 1) information and materials for patient and family education about pediatric HIV infection; 2) guidance regarding organization and delivery of health care services; 3) assistance in developing community based services for HIV-infected children; and 4) consultation and technical assistance to organizations involved in the care of HIV infected children. The center provides a focal point for health care professionals and agencies to assist in provision of comprehensive, family-focused, community based care to children with HIV infection and their families.

To utilize the Center's services or for information contact the Pediatric AIDS Resource Center, Children's Hospital of New Jersey, 15 South Ninth Street, Newark, NJ 07107. FAX #: (201) 485-7769.

Prevention of HIV Infection

The ominous prediction that if current trends continue, AIDS could be one of the top five causes of death in American children fourteen and under within the next four years speaks to an urgent and tragic reality.

Pediatric and childhood HIV infection can be prevented, but it will take an all out effort to address the needs of those individuals whose behaviors put them at greatest risk of contracting and transmitting the virus. The report on Pediatric HIV Infection summarizes the task ahead.

The epidemic of HIV infection in children in the United States is one that is rooted in the problems of HIV infection in women, intravenous drug use, and male attitudes about sexual responsibility.

The strategies for reducing the transmission of HIV to children are not unique. Prevention of pediatric HIV infection can be accomplished by screening blood and preventing adult HIV infection.

Education, access to drug treatment, access to family planning services, use of barrier contraceptives, access to HIV antibody testing, and access to medical and social services are necessary components of HIV prevention.

Screening Blood

In the United States, the screening of all blood for the presence of HIV antibodies began in 1985 and has significantly reduced the risk of HIV transmission through the blood supply. Though 16% of all pediatric AIDS cases are among children who became infected through the transfusion of blood or blood products, there have been no reported cases of transfusion-associated AIDS in children having been transfused in 1985 or after.

The number of transfusion-associated cases of AIDS in children will eventually decrease in the U.S. even though a small risk of HIV infection from screened blood and blood products exists. In a very few instances, screened blood will incorrectly test negative (and be available for use) even though antibodies are present.

Prevention of Perinatal (Mother-to-Child) Transmission

The prevention of mother-to-child transmission of HIV requires risk reduction strategies which address the I.V. drug use and sexual behaviors of women and men alike.

  1. HIV education should be a component of health education in every elementary and secondary school. Culturally sensitive educational materials and approaches for addressing substance use and sexuality should be prepared using health, education, and religious professionals and members of racial and ethnic communities.

    Educational efforts designed to reduce pediatric HIV infection must address male sexuality and foster male responsibility for safer sexual practices including a range of options from abstention and monogamy to barrier contraceptive methods.

  2. Educational efforts must also target women who are the sexual partners of I.V. drug users. In too many instances women are not aware of their partners' behaviors until after the partner is diagnosed with AIDS or the woman gives birth to a baby who is found to be HIV infected.

    All women must have access to culturally sensitive education about the risk of HIV infection associated with substance use, types of barrier contraceptives available, and what they can do to protect themselves from sexual partners with HIV infection.

  3. Drug prevention and outreach programs are an important component toward reducing drug use-associated HIV transmission. Studies among I.V. drug users have shown that outreach activities have increased the knowledge of drug users about HIV transmission and led to positive changes in drug use behavior.

  4. Voluntary antibody testing with counseling and confidentiality assured can be important tools toward preventing the spread of HIV, in helping individuals seek medical care and treatment, nd in helping individuals modify their behavior.

  5. Voluntary notification of partners to let them know that they may have been put at risk for contracting HIV is also an important component toward reducing virus transmission.

  6. An HIV infected woman who becomes pregnant should be fully informed about:
    1. the mother-to-child transmission of HIV,
    2. the effects of HIV infection on pregnancy, and
    3. the options and care available to her as a result of any and all decisions she might make.

HIV-Infected Children: At Home, School, and in Day Care

Studies of families who are caring for HIV-infected members and of health care workers caring for patients reveal that HIV is not transmitted through casual (non-sexual, non-needle sharing) contact.

The American Red Cross and numerous community-based AIDS organizations provide training for families and others who are providing care to HIV-infected individuals in the home and other care settings.

Guidelines have been issued by the US Public Health Service on the care of HIV-infected children in day care, foster care, and school settings.

The risk of HIV transmission is rare in these settings, but it can occur if an individual with an open cut or skin tear were to come into contact with infected blood or possibly other body fluids.

Teachers, child care workers, and care providers can be trained in the simple precautions to take to protect oneself from coming into contact with HIV infected fluids as well as how to clean/disinfect areas which have been exposed to infectious blood or other bodily fluids.

There may be some risk to an HIV-infected child in the school setting if he or she is put at risk of exposure to contagious or infectious diseases. The assessment of risk is best made by the child's/infant's physician and family in consultation with the school's or organization's health official.

Things Churches Can Do

The opportunities for the church to be a place of openness in the midst of the AIDS crisis are many and take on special dimensions in responding to children with HIV infection and their families.

Churches should be the first place where families can turn for comfort, support and acceptance when the reality of AIDS comes home. The child's plea captured in the words on a poster "I Have AIDS: Please Hug Me--I Can't Make You Sick" is an invitation to become personally involved in loving and compassionate ministry with all persons whose lives have been touched by AIDS.

AIDS HOTLINE FOR KIDS
CENTER FOR ATTITUDINAL HEALING
19 MAIN ST.,
TIBURON, CA 94920
(415) 435-5022

The I HAVE AIDS poster available from the Center for Attitudinal Healing (14 Main Street, Tiburon, CA 94920, phone: 415-435-5022) is a starting point for responding with open arms to children with AIDS in the congregation and the community. It is also a useful tool to help children and adults move beyond their fears about being around children or grownups who have AIDS or HIV infection. Order the poster and use is as a reminder that HIV cannot be transmitted through casual contact.

If your church has a nursery, a day care program, or children's events would children with HIV infection be accepted? Invite a representative from the American Red Cross to talk with your pastor and program people about these and other ways to serve children and families.

Some of the needs of HIV-affected families have been listed in the foregoing. Congregations can address some of the needs after becoming informed about the situations of families and children in the community.

  1. Invite a representative from the health department, Visiting Nurse Association, or the Red Cross to talk with the appropriate group or planning committee in your church.

    Find out how many children and families are in need in the area. Are most of the children with

    HIV/AIDS living at home with their families? Are there children who have been left in area hospitals with no one to care?

    Are there children in need of foster or adoptive homes? Are there persons in the congregation who would be willing to care for an HIV-infected child or assist a family by providing respite care or doing babysitting?

  2. What family-wide services are available in your community? Are there needs which are not being met? What advocacy is needed?

  3. Are there support groups in the community for parents of children with HIV/AIDS? Are families in your community reluctant to let it be known that there is a family member who is affected? Why? How can your church respond?

  4. What child-centered programs could your church and other groups in the community develop for children with HIV/AIDS and other children? Are there any children who have special developmental delays for which early intervention strategies can be developed?

  5. Is HIV education being included in the health curriculum of the elementary and secondary schools in your town? How can that information be supplemented through HIV/AIDS prevention programs and seminars at your church?

    What additional efforts need to be made to help the youth of your community avoid those behaviors which will put them at risk for infection?

  6. What prevention education and materials are available for women in your community? Are the materials culturally sensitive and in the first language of the women?

    How can your women's group support HIV/ AIDS prevention education for women so they might protect their own health and avoid the possibility of mother-to-child HIV transmission?

    Do the women and men of your community have easy access to family planning services?

    Are there women with HIV infection who are caring for children who are also infected? What outreach can your women's group or congregation make to them?

  7. Are children and families with HIV infection discriminated against in any way in your community? What attitudinal barriers exist which create negative attitudes and responses to these individuals and families?

  8. What drug prevention and treatment programs exist in your community? Have these programs been designed to meet the needs of women and youth as well as men?

  9. Are there women's organizations of color or clergy groups of color where you live who are willing to work with health professionals and child caring professionals to address the needs of children, women and families of color?

  10. What church-related health and welfare institutions are located in your conference? What are they to care for children with HIV/ AIDS, to minister to affected families, and to provide AIDS prevention education?

  11. Use this Focus Paper as a starting point for learning about children and HIV infection and as a program planning starter if your congregation is not already involved.
red line used as divider

PWA Column

PWA columnist, Terry Boyd, has been hospitalized three times this year. During the last quarter of 1989, Terry submitted numerous columns to the Network Office to be included in subsequent Focus Paper. His outpouring of thoughts and insights about living with AIDS and dealing with its many realities bring Focus Paper readers to a deeper understanding of the most personal and intimate side of AIDS. In the following piece on "Earthly Attachments", Terry talks about death and separation, his faith and how hard it is to say goodbye.

Earthly Attachments

by Terry L. Boyd

"After all, doesn't my religion teach that I should not become too enamored of impermanent, imperfect things in this life?"

Toward the beginning of my journey with AIDS, I spent considerable time thinking about death in general. When I felt fairly comfortable, I spent some time thinking about my own death in particular. Just when I thought I had reached a rather uneasy peace with death, I realized that I had developed certain earthly attachments that I would simply have to give up. I would not become vice-president at the bank. I would not win the lottery and become a world traveler.

Then, AIDS wrought its indelible changes on my life. AIDS did not just change my life, it transformed it. From an early age, I had wanted to write. My first faltering attempts were not met with great applause. Now, I am writing daily and people are actually reading what I write. I talk with my mother weekly and I am able to tell her that I love her. Some of the most brilliant and compassionate people in the world are those who are involved with AIDS and other social issues. Now, I can count some of them as my friends.

I was hospitalized recently. When I was released, I realized that this episode had done some permanent damage. Some vital piece had been taken away and I could feel its loss. In a follow-up visit with my doctor, he told me quite honestly that he was worried about me. He asked if I was scared. It took me fully two days to realize that, "Yes", I am scared. I am very scared. I also realize that I have replaced an old set of earthly attachments with a new set. I realize that I will eventually lose the ability to do the work I love so much: that I will have to say goodbye to my new, wonderful friends. And once again I find myself mourning. It is an overwhelming melancholy . . . a deep sadness. I have never known anyone with AIDS who has not required some time to mourn for oneself.

There is a song which is one of my all-time favorites. It is sung by Emmylou Harris and has the unmistakable flavor of the Ozark mountains and all of the rich religious tradition of that region. The title is "When He Calls." The refrain goes something like this: "When He calls, I'm gonna live with Jesus. In His kingdom He welcomes everyone. I shall fear no more earthly perils. He will carry me home."

It is difficult for me to listen to this song now. And when I do, the tears begin to flow. I have been caught several times by friends who are at once lovingly concerned but mystified by my behavior. They want to know, "What's wrong?"

How do I explain that I am mourning? How can I tell them that I will miss them and all of the beautiful things in this life?

How can I tell them how much I will miss coffee at sunrise and hymns on Sunday and lilacs in the Spring? How can I tell them how much I will miss their smile and their touch?

How do I tell them that I do not want to say goodbye?

Terry Boyd's PWA Column is a monthly feature of the AIDS Ministries Network Alert Focus Papers. Terry, 39 years old, is a member of Lafayette Park United Methodist Church in St. Louis, MO, the Missouri-East AIDS Task Force and the Interagency Task Force on AIDS Ministries. Terry, also, serves on the board of Doorways, a community-based AIDS service organization.

 

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HIV/AIDS Ministries Network Focus Papers are a publication of the Health and Welfare Ministries , General Board of Global Ministries, The United Methodist Church, Room 330, 475 Riverside Drive, New York, NY 10115. Phone: 212-870-3909. FAX: 212-749-2641. E-MAIL: aidsmin@gbgm-umc.org. Focus Papers, unless otherwise noted, may be quoted, reproduced and distributed with credit being given to Health and Welfare Ministries and the authors. These focus papers were written several years ago there some information is outdated.

The HIV/AIDS Ministries Network is a network of United Methodists and others who care about the global HIV/AIDS pandemic and those whose lives have been touched.