by Carolyn P.

My name is Carolyn, and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is March 28, 1985. I am 64 years old and I am still quite active in Alcoholics Anonymous as well as Al-Anon.* In fact, my Al-Anon anniversary is April 1, 1986. It is my firm belief that if it were not for Al-Anon, I would not have been able to stay sober. My membership in Al-Anon has been that crucial in my recovery. Let me tell you briefly why this is so.

I was raised in a violent, alcoholic family, and witnessed many horrors as a child. My father was in the US Army, and we moved constantly. In fact, I attended 14 schools in 12 years.

Very early I learned to be invisible and quiet. I had many friends as I grew up, and none of them lived the way I lived. I knew there was something terribly wrong in my family. I lived in fear and dread most of the time. As a result, I became quite dysfunctional in my relationships, always looking for someone to help me or "fix" me. I also knew there was a God, and I prayed to Him fervently as a young girl, begging Him to save me or help my parents--at the very least to help them to stop drinking and fighting.

I began drinking when I was 18 years old and was not able to stop until I was 41. My story is the same story that is heard over and over. I was married at the age of 19 and had one son. My marriage ended in divorce and I found myself a single mom--a drinking, single mom.

I found myself continuing some of the same behavior in which I was raised. There is no greater guilt and remorse than being an alcoholic mother. I reached the end of 23 years of drinking, and my life was in shambles. I didn't even look like the same person anymore. I was unrecognizable to many who had known me previously. Most of my relationships were estranged and I found myself completely alone.

I did get sober, though, and that began a whole new way of life for me. My early sobriety was difficult. Most of my relationships were nearly damaged beyond repair. My parents had divorced and my father had stopped drinking. My mother, on the other hand, was still active in her disease of alcoholism. My sponsor, who was and is an extremely wise woman, suggested I go to Al-Anon when I had a year of sobriety. Thanks to my loving God, I was ready and willing.

It was at this time that I began to fully recover from the damage and hurt from my past. Being involved in Alcoholics Anonymous has been the greatest blessing of my life. I was told that recovery isn't recovery until all areas of brokenness are mended. All my areas have been mended, thanks to the program of Al-Anon.

These are just a few of the things that Al-Anon has done for me:

• My son and I have a good and close relationship today. Because of Al-Anon, I learned to be his mother and not his friend. Our roles are clear, and our boundaries are healthy.
• My father died when I had four years of sobriety. We made amends to each other before he passed away, and I was blessed to be able to partially care for him before he died.

My mother, unfortunately, only stopped drinking when we had to have her committed to a mental hospital. She had paranoid delusions and suffered greatly from dementia--most of it caused by alcohol. Al-Anon helped me to have compassion and love for her, which offered an added benefit.

As I worked the Al-Anon program, I learned more about the disease of alcoholism and was able to apply all those things to myself. That was probably my greatest gift. If I could be so forgiving of her, then perhaps I could offer some of that forgiveness to myself. One of my toughest areas of recovery was around self-forgiveness and compassion for myself. I finally got that by offering it to someone else.

Today, I can't separate the two programs. They are one and the same! Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life, and Al-Anon allowed me to have a life. I owe it all to these two programs and to the love of God, who never, for a second, gave up on me. The majority of my time is spent sharing the love of God and this message of recovery!

* Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic. Visit www.al-anon.alateen.org

	See Also... Topic: GBGM programs |  United Methodist Church |  Violence |  Geographic Region: United States |  Source: Community and Institutional Ministries
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Date posted: Oct 03, 2008