Memorial Quilt Panel for B. J. Johnson
This photo was taken at the dedication ceremony where I turned it over to the NAMES Project (that explains the flowers on the side of the panel). I will point out some significant things on it. First of all, his name as listed on the panel was Bob "BJ" Johnson. His name is at the top of the panel (the last thing I did before finishing). The panel is of a Belkie bear (a special kind of Christmas bear we collected each season from Belk's Department Store) in a tuxedo.
BJ loved to dress up. When he died, he had five---count 'em---five tuxes in different colors! The bear is holding 10 balloons, and his birth and death dates are on either side of the bear, with "Charlotte, NC" at the bottom.
When making the bear, I chose to make a "full" bear, instead of just the parts that would show out of the tux. That way, it felt more like I was dressing the bear when adding the clothing. For the tux, I used a real tux shirt (cut to fit, of course) and red bow tie; and the studs are actually Beej's studs on the shirt. I had already given his red cummerbund away, so we had to make one. In one hand, he is holding the strings for the balloons...in the other hand is a heart. Underneath that heart, BJ's mother chose to include his little tiny baby ring (that was a really touching moment for both of us). The most special thing for me is that under his shirt, where others really won't know it's there, I sewed a red satin heart and put some of his ashes in it.
The colorful balloons are on a white cloud background. The stuffing for the clouds was actually the old foam mattress pad from BJ's old baby crib (his mother saved everything!). It was kinda weird to see the "mysterious stains" on it...LOL! The background material's color is, of course, Carolina blue. The 10 balloons were made by me, his sisters and mother, and some of our close friends who wanted to participate. I gave them each a balloon shape and encouraged them to do what they wanted to about their relationship with or memories of BJ in it. His mom (red balloon) cross-stitched a poem she wrote about her son; one sister (yellow) made a list of special code words that symbolized a whole bunch of their private jokes and special memories and printed that in a circle; his other sister sewed a red satin heart on a cream satin balloon. A dear high school friend did an airbrush drawing of his old VW bug; another made two balloons of collages of a bunch of photos of special friends and times.
I did a collage that included our cats and wedding photo, another one of just our favorite photo together (the one at the top of his memorial page), and another with the saying that helped me SO much after he died:
"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the candle because the dawn has come."
Another friend from the NAMES chapter we were a part of here in Charlotte did a wonderful rendition of the NAMES Project logo in purple and white cross-stitch.
Making this panel was such an incredible experience. I would probably not do it again, because it showed me that I know about as much about sewing as I do cooking!!! But a lot of pain and laughter came out of the process of making it, and I'm proud of the inner strength I had to actually let them pry the panel out of my clutches at the dedication ceremony. I wanted and needed to share him with the world. I hope this helps you kinda get a feel for the panel if you see it, here or in person. It's certainly not the most creative design or the most skillful sewing job I've ever seen, but every stitch and mis-stitch was done with love and tears and giggles.... I hope that comes across.
Thanks for letting me share this with you all.
Debbi Hood Johnson
November 19, 1995
AIDS memorials are published on CAM's web site as a free service to those who wish to remember loved ones and friends. They are personal statements by those who are bereaved and in their own words.
