Saying Goodbye

Find a proof text--a suitable Scripture to organize the final column around. How about "And Noah took unto himself a wife...." This text would please those who like doubles, but Noah is suspect on morality. Besides, it seems to have been left out of modern translations. As an old joke had it, two pages of the Bible were stuck together so that the statement about Noah's wife was followed immediately by a description of Noah's ark: "covered inside and out with pitch."

Genesis 46:21 could provide another choice: "The children of Benjamin: Bela, Becher, Ashbel, Gera, Naaman, Ehi, Rosh, Muppim, Huppim, and Ard." This would be useful when meeting anyone named Benjamin.

John 21:11 offers yet another possibility: "So Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, a hundred fifty-three of them...." This is perfect for United Methodists, who love numbers. Explain that Saint Augustine took 153 to mean the cumulative sum of one through 17. Seventeen is significant because seven symbolizes completeness and ten stands for the commandments. Impress readers with knowledge of church history.

Be self-deprecating to show modesty. Mention inability to remember what pleonasm means. Also acknowledge inability to read without glasses, and admit to total ignorance of genome theory, causes of lupus, and rules for playing hockey. This confession will give readers a feeling of superiority over the dumb writer.

Express gratitude to others. Thank my mother, who taught me the value of a good story; Wil Bailey, a Texas pastor who modeled integrity; my wife Clarice, who listened patiently to my theories about church history; my editor, Alma Graham, who could be both objective and sympathetic.

Also mention mentors, such as the high school basketball coach who let me play one game when I scored one point. And don't forget colleagues at work, especially those who were able to work professionally even when support from above or below was not always apparent.

Forgive those who offended: staff members who refused to send messages by e-mail and wrote illegible yellow sticky notes; the commuter railroad that made us ride in old cars; the car drivers who threatened our lives by talking on cellular phones; the woman at the church school who suggested that children call us by title and first name: "Mr. Charles."

Compliment readers who either asked for permission to make copies of my column or who were charitable enough not to write and tell me what they thought about my ideas. Here's to the silent readers! [Not to mention the many who sent fan mail.--Ed.]